The Kardashians Archives - American Stock News

Unfortunately, this week’s episode of The Kardashians didn’t revolve around Kris Jenner’s rusty bones—although, we do get some satisfying audio while she has her stitches removed. However, we still get a surprisingly meaty (no pun intended) episode, thanks to Kim’s “Icons” campaign for SKIMS, Kravis’ surprise Las Vegas wedding, the very meta Season 1 premiere of The Kardashians and probably a lack of Kendall talking about her businesses. So far, this series is really struggling to make the accomplishments of these well-established billionaires seem novel or exciting, which is maybe why Kourtney is leaning into low culture by having an Elvis impersonator wed her. But watching Kim fangirl over Heidi Klum and Tyra Banks during her SKIMS shoot, convincing them to eat beignets like they’re some sort of odd delicacy, was a true delight. It’s also hilarious watching Kim include herself in the shoot after acting like she has no idea what to do in front of the camera. There’s also more hinting towards a Pete Davidson appearance at The Kardashians premiere that ultimately doesn’t come to fruition, although we’ve all seen the photos of them hand-in-hand on the red-carpet already. At this point, we might have to assume that Davidson, amid all the harassment from Kanye West stans, wanted to have his face omitted from the show, but is fine being talked about like The Invisible Man. Or maybe the producers understand how generally uneventful this show is and need to tease his cameo for as long as possible to keep viewers watching. Time will tell! Coleman: Imagine my shock—and dare I say, my delight?—upon seeing this episode open with our long-lost sister, Kourtney. Until now, Kourt has had maybe one or two scenes across five episodes. But post-“marriage” to Travis Barker in Vegas, Kourtney is our shining star. Kourt tells us all of her really, really big week, which includes returning from the Grammys and a photo shoot with Travis for something called Daring Vegan Chicken. In glam, Kourtney shows her team photos of her and Travis’ Vegas Strip chapel wedding, which made me wonder: Kyndall, what is the bottom tier salary you would accept to faux-fawn over Kourtney Kardashian’s antics? Kyndall: At least $12 million. Everyone—mostly Simon Huck—who had to feign excitement over Kourtney’s retelling of the story is the real MVP of this episode. It really brought to focus how hard Producer Danielle’s job is (more on her later!) moderating those confessionals. I wasn’t as thrilled about the Kourtney scenes this week. As much as Kravis has helped rejuvenate the Kardashian brand, the couple is overexposed at this point, which is why I found this storyline—and all of the Kravis appearances—to be a bit of a snooze. I appreciate Kim’s handling of her relationship with Pete a bit more because there’s some mystery to it. Coleman: Agreed, I’m still salivating over a potential Pete sighting. And yet, as we find out in this episode, he’s always lurking just out of reach. The one piece of Kourtney’s wedding story I did enjoy was that the Elvis impersonator that married them kept calling Kourtney “Khloé” (pronounced without the accent—so hard to find a good Elvis impersonator these days). But as happy as I was to get a dose of Kourt, by the fifth “babe” between her and Travis within a 10-second span, I had blacked out and physically could not come to until another Kardashian entered my line of vision. Kyndall: Well, thank God it’s Kris Jenner, who I think should replace the guy from the Operation board game at this point. In the next scene, we find our long-suffering matriarch getting the stitches in her hip ripped out by a doctor—who seemed like a car salesman—in the middle of her sweaty, bacteria-filled gym and not a doctor’s office?? Hulu I didn’t think we could beat last week’s equally terrifying and wacky surgery scene. But hearing Kris groan from inside her garage juxtaposed with these serene shots of her backyard and pool made me scream. This is then followed by Kris sobbing directly to camera, “It’s such a mindfuck! SUCH a mindfuck!!” Coleman: It would be a mindfuck to get my stitches ripped out in a garage by the general manager of a Jack in the Box for sure, so I can see why she was emotional! She’s, like, Requiem for a Dream-ing it. Kim also revealed to us that she thought a hip replacement surgery would be a microscopic incision. Apparently she didn’t hear the death knell of the doctor’s sythe hacking away at Kris’ femur last week. But Kim is too busy focusing on maneuvering other things, like her ICONS campaign for Skims (and how to wedge her way into the shoot). Kyndall: Let’s get into this campaign because I had a few issues with the casting of this photoshoot. Like yes, Candice Swanepoel is one of the most prominent Victoria Secret Angels over the past decade. (Her appearance was also a little startling because she was rumored to be dating Kanye West like a month ago before he went full Louis Farrakhan.) BUT is she an icon?? Particularly, one on par with Heidi Klum and Tyra Banks?? Could the average person name her, if they were shown a photo? Personally, I think Kim should’ve stayed in the ‘90s with women from supermodel boom if she really wanted the photoshoot to be a #moment. What did you think? Coleman: You took the words right out of my mouth. Candice’s casting just felt out of place. I also have a theory that Kim did not know how to pronounce her last name, as evidenced by her telling Kris the cast and saying, “Heidi Klum, Tyra Banks, Alessandra Ambrosio, and Candice…,” which she did multiple times. I also think she could’ve nabbed a couple of bigger names, but that’s beside the point. She couldn’t distract from the real star of the campaign: herself. When Heidi asks her to be in a couple of photos, Kim faux balks at the suggestion before immediately caving. Hulu She tells the cameras multiple times, “I can’t! I couldn’t! I’m not your typical model. I wasn’t planning on doing this today!” Like yeah, sure, and Pete Davidson is taking me to Carbone tonight. Not many people realize Taylor Swift wrote “Mastermind” from the viewpoint of her old enemy. Kyndall: LMAO. Kim’s faux humility and nervousness around modeling undergarments throughout this entire operation was really something to behold. I also enjoyed the “really funny” story she told Alesssandra and Candace in their dressing room before the shoot, which was just that she saw them in a club in Miami once after a Victoria’ Secret Fashion Show. Where’s the punchline, Kim?? The casual banter between Heidi and Tyra, including Tyra’s standup set about Kim’s robot toilet, was a million times funnier than that. Coleman: Tyra was once again proving herself to be an asset to the team, and entertainment at large. Are we far enough removed from the atrocities of America’s Next Top Model to say that? Jury’s out. There was a lot of glamming in this episode—Kourtney’s opening mention of a busy week came to fruition! Our Koracle. This is where the timeframe gets classically Kardashian confusing. We are on the sixth episode of Season 2, but they’re preparing for the big premiere of Season 1, all the way back in April. Kyndall: It’s a deeply Konfusing timeline, especially with the Tristan Thompson stuff screwing up the first episode. But onto the premiere! Ninety percent of this season is just the Kardashians preparing for events and feigning excitement or nervousness about them in their confessionals. There’s a lot of talk about how big of a deal it is that they’re finally having a fancy, red-carpet premiere for one of their reality shows. (I searched “KUWTK premiere” on Google Images and saw nothing, so this is wildly true). Like, I get the element of newness in this regard. But there’s no way attending a premiere is that daunting or overwhelming for them at this point in their careers, right? Coleman: To their credit, I googled “Kim Kardashian ‘Disaster Movie’ Premiere” and got nothing, so maybe this is the one rare thing they haven’t done much of yet! I enjoyed seeing Kris ask Siri one million times how to spell “zhoosh.” Someone didn’t complete their time at the Jasmine Masters Academy of Jush. The premiere actually did look like a lot of fun, but I can’t imagine how strange it would be to be in the audience for a total vanity project like that. They kept cutting to the audience like that one promo shot of The Fabelmans that keeps getting touted around. And then there was Khloé, who once again put threw her hat into the ring for episode MVP with one word, “LIAR!” screamed from the audience during a scene from the premiere where Tristan lied straight to her face about his commitment to her and expanding their family. Normally I dislike too much audience participation, but this was one for the books. Kyndall: Khloé’s screaming was definitely just a survival tactic. We all remember how boring that pilot was. Having to sit down in this fun, boozy environment and watch the Kardashians have a producer-orchestrated barbecue on a giant movie screen had to be the worst part of the night for everyone. On another Khloé-related note, can we talk about how she leaves this “once in a lifetime moment” early because she has to go to the gym in the morning?? That made me sad! Hulu Coleman: That’s really the perfect distillation of exactly where our fabled family is these days—fewer afterparties, more early nights to prepare for four-hour gym sessions. And that’s understandable, the main trio are all in their thirties and forties and have children to attend to. But seeing that shitty Season 1 premiere play in the midst of a middling second season was a bit of a wake-up call, at least for me. If these girls don’t turn up the heat soon—and for good—I fear a Season 3 may not be in their future. Sibling Superlatives Strongest Sister: This week, Kendall makes her briefest appearance, so far this season (telling someone over the phone that she was in Vegas for “like 10 hours”). And boy, do we appreciate it! Any shortage of this chronically nervous supermodel blandly describing her passion for girl-bossing is refreshing. And the lack of aggressive closeups on 818 Tequila bottles made a lot of room for other characters to shine this week. Thanks for your service, Kenny! Most Irritating Producer Moment: Producer Danielle is sort of becoming the bane of my existence on this show. And I get that she has a very hard job trying to squeeze any sort of humor or insight out of these extremely wooden people. But I won’t accept her pretending like she doesn’t know what Kourtney means when she says she ate vegan sushi in an effort to make her look dumb. Everyone knows that when you put the word “vegan” in front of an animal product, you’re referring to a substitute! Why is she disputing Kourtney, who is 95 percent a vegan, on this? Vegan sushi made with tofu is a thing! Most Obnoxious/Amusing Confessional Habit: Khloé has a quirk that she just can’t seem to let go of in confessionals. Whenever she’s straight up lying, leaving out any information, or just reading from the script in her head, she tilts her head to a 45 degree angle and bobs back and forth in her seat. It looks like she’s been stranded in the middle of a choppy ocean and is trying to make peace with her fate. Once you notice this, it cannot be unseen. Is it irritating? Sure. But it’s also endlessly fun to clock, and actually adds a layer of unintentional transparency to the story.

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